I never imagined that I would be among those who had been terminated from employment. I have never left a job where my employers were not sad to see me go. Well, maybe Raj was pretty happy to see me go, but I resigned so I'm not counting that as termination -- that was just a really unfortunate fit. I have paced the apartment, I have gone from happy to mad to sad. I am happy to be free of the weight of working right now and have some time (at least a few weeks) to calmly look for something else, work on my graduate studies and focus on evaluating what I am best suited for. It may be that directing/administration is not my calling. I said that after I left RSA, but then the opportunity at BMWS seemed to fit me better. However; I think as it turns out that my blunt honesty and unrefined personality is not quite ready for the leadership role yet. I'm not really willing to change. I beleive in who I am. I finally figured it out and I'm not changing it for anybody. I did learn some lessons along the way and I try not to regret anything. I can say that if I had known it would last a year...I probably wouldn't have bothered. I gained very little, and just learned a few more harsh lessons in life. I will sincerely miss that staff though. There were some really amazing teachers there that I was beginning to learn so much from. I enjoyed them and I enjoyed the children there. I wish my life had been more simple over the last 9 months so I could have enjoyed the simplicity more.
I teach well, children and adults. Of all the things that the person who fired me today said, she did get that right. I do have a gift and I do know my stuff and I think people enjoy hearing me speak when I do. I also know that it has been hard to be out of the classroom, especially in the last school year. I would have welcomed a prek classroom. It would have been a great escape. The problem I face is that teaching PREK does not pay what being an administrator pays. However; the hope is that with my Graduate Degree I will be able to teach adults at night and kiddos during the day and live in some kind of pretend bliss. I'm waiting for that....waiting...waiting...okay well we'll put that away for now...
I am by no means in denial. I'm difficult. I am going to spend some time thinking about what mistakes I made and how I can improve for the next time. I'm working on refining this rough diamond and at 30 years old, I don't think I'm doing too badly.
The tragedy in today was that I was fired for an incredibly bizarre reason. I can't quite put my finger on it but I would put money down that there was a heck of a lot more going on than was relayed to me. I think what I was fired for was an excuse because it doesn't hold water. I'm going to let the dust settle there though, and move forward. At the end of the day, it is over. Nothing said or done is going to change that. I do believe though that if you are going to fire someone, you better damn well own up to it and why. Don't go back to a staff of 42 people and act like I walked out on them. I didn't. If I would have stayed for anything it would have been for them. It almost cracks me up that she was so passionate about why I was fired and believed that my entire staff would rebel/revolt against me but somehow doesn't have the chops to tell them what she did. It is curious at best.
I am moving on....slowly but surely. I have decided that God has one hell of a plan for me. I feel like Job. People said to me all day, "well it can't get much worse" and I would just smack them and say "don't you dare jinx it!!" Lord grant me the strength I tell ya.
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